the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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