That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
