I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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