I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
