I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
