then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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