she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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