If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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