he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
