I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
