gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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