is your mom at the bar?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
