On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
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My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
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My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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