It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
