don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
