Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
