Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
