I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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