If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize