Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
