My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
