Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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