i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
