Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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