There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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