Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
