we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
