$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
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