i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Well I just put wine in my tea
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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