just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
