Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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