Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
