I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
