My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
