I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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