I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
