Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
