Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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