i think my tv is drunk
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
