his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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