dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
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I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
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Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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