Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
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the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
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On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑