Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
A bitchslap is in order.