Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
