She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You have to summon your inner elephant
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
