Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
