I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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