I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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