Where are you?
In a non slutty way
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
