I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
