i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
