Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
