everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
