Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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