Can Purell be used as lube?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
