I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
