i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
